


too long i've been afraid (of losing love i guess i've lost)

by lincyclopedia



Series: OMGCP Friendship Week [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Friendship, Gay William "Dex" Poindexter, Gen, Homophobia, No Romance, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Past Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26518447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lincyclopedia/pseuds/lincyclopedia
Summary: Dex gets disowned after coming out as gay. SMH is there for him. Written for OMGCP Friendship Week. Today's prompt is "family."
Relationships: Chris "Chowder" Chow & William "Dex" Poindexter, Derek "Nursey" Nurse & William "Dex" Poindexter, Eric "Bitty" Bittle & William "Dex" Poindexter
Series: OMGCP Friendship Week [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924087
Comments: 21
Kudos: 89





	too long i've been afraid (of losing love i guess i've lost)

**Author's Note:**

> TW for brief reference to vomiting, and, obviously, for homophobia.

Will had planned it all out. He’d wait until evening of the day after Christmas to say anything, in case things went badly. Samwell had a game on the 28th, so he was leaving on the 27th to go back to campus. He could handle awkwardness the night of the 26th and the morning of the 27th if that’s how things went down. 

He was pretty sure he’d been right about that, too. He _could’ve_ handled awkwardness. He had a temper, sure, but he wasn’t _thin-skinned_. But what had happened hadn’t been awkwardness. What had happened had been his father shouting at him to get out of the house and go back to “that fag school” while his mother cried and his brother laughed. 

Thoughts came in fits and starts as he drove from Maine back to Massachusetts, racing from one fear to another until he got stuck on one. What would he do over the summer? Would he ever see his cousins’ kids again? What would he do about health insurance? He’d inherited this truck—would his family report it stolen? He paid the insurance on it, but he’d never paid for the truck itself and the title wasn’t in his name. 

Will’s saving grace was his REM CD, which was playing on loop because he didn’t trust himself to switch out CDs while driving, at least not tonight. Every time the CD got to the song “Losing My Religion,” Will screamed along. He hadn’t felt particularly Catholic in a long time, but—even with all the things Samwell had made him re-evaluate and think more critically about—he’d been avoiding really thinking about religion, mostly because he knew leaving the church would make his parents disappointed, and he already had enough strikes against him in that department. But now . . . yeah, fuck the church. _That’s me in the corner. That’s me in the spotlight losing my religion._

He’d driven away as fast as he could, and he didn’t want to stop once he was on the road, except to get gas, half because he wanted to put as much distance between himself and his family as possible and half because he was pretty sure the only thing keeping him from breaking down was the need to avoid crying while driving. Avoiding toll roads meant the trip took nearly six hours, and he could have shaved an hour off by paying for it, but his financial situation, which had never been great to begin with, had just gotten substantially more precarious, so he was even more determined than usual to avoid tolls when possible. 

All this to say that Will arrived at Samwell at nearly one in the morning and no one on the team knew he was there or that he had been disowned. Before even exiting the truck, let alone bringing his suitcase into the Haus, he got his phone out and pulled up the Frogs group chat. He wasn’t ready to tell the whole team yet—they’d know soon enough, and he wasn’t prepared for their pity just yet—but Nursey and Chowder were his best friends and he needed someone to tell him he wasn’t worthless and that his family was wrong. Given the time, Nursey could totally be asleep, but Chowder was in California, so hopefully he was still up. It was just 10 p.m. there. _I got disowned after coming out to my family tonight,_ Will texted his fellow Frogs, opting for directness. 

By the time he had gotten out of the truck and grabbed his suitcase, his phone was vibrating with an incoming call from Chowder. Will swiped to answer it and immediately heard Chowder’s frantic voice. “Oh my God, Dex, that’s so awful! Are you okay? Are you safe? Where are you?”

“I just got to the Haus,” Will replied, lifting his suitcase up the steps and trying to get his suddenly shaky hand to steady enough to get his key in the lock. “I’m safe. I’m . . . probably not fine, but I’m going to make it through this. I know you’re going to worry no matter what I say, but you don’t need to worry about my physical safety, I promise.” Will had gotten inside by this point and started to stomp snow off his boots.

“Thank God,” Chowder breathed. “I’m so sorry I’m not there right now. You’re amazing and you don’t deserve this, Dex. I’m sorry your family is so—” 

Will’s phone beeped at him as he was taking off his coat. When he pulled his phone away from his ear, he saw he had another incoming call, this one from Nursey. “Hey, C?” Will interrupted. “My phone says Nursey is calling me. Do you mind if I—”

“Oh, for sure, go ahead,” said Chowder. 

Will swiped to accept Nursey’s call, switching his phone from one hand to the other so he could finish removing his coat. 

“Bro, I’m on my way,” Nursey said as soon as the call connected. 

“The fuck?” said Will, carrying his suitcase down the stairs to the basement. “It’s one a.m. You can come in the morning.” 

“Fuck the morning,” said Nursey. “You deserve company. You’re back at the Haus now, right?”

“Yeah,” said Will, sitting down on his bed. “How did you know?”

“I figured you didn’t come out to your family in the middle of the night,” Nursey replied. “You’ve mentioned how long it takes to get from your parents’ house to campus, so I did the math and figured you’d just be getting to the Haus now if you came out around dinner time.” 

“You did math for me?” Will chirped, swallowing the lump in his throat from the thought of Nursey bothering to puzzle that all out, and so quickly, for his sake. 

“Hey,” said Nursey, mock peeved. Then his voice softened. “I won’t get in until like four thirty, so you definitely don’t need to wait up for me. I mean, I won’t judge you if you can’t sleep tonight, but don’t stay up on my account. If you’re asleep, do you want me to wake you up when I arrive?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep,” Will said, “but if I can, I think I’d rather you leave me be. Can I wake you up when I get up, though, if I need to?”

“Of course,” said Nursey. “That’s the whole point.” 

“Pull over if you think you’re going to fall asleep behind the wheel,” Will said. “You’re no help to me or anyone else if you’re dead in a ditch, remember.” 

“I know,” said Nursey, “but there are enough 24-hour coffee places on the way that I don’t think that will be a problem.” He was quiet for a moment and then said, “You sound way more okay right now than I can imagine being if something like that happened to me. “

Apparently that was what Will had been waiting for, because suddenly his breath caught and his eyes stung. He spent what felt like much more than a few seconds suspended in that limbo of being about to cry, and then his cheeks were wet and he was sobbing and it was _loud_ and sucking in air was _hard_ and words were coming out in fragments along with the sobs. “Why did they—why—why—why couldn’t they—they were supposed—supposed to love me and—and—and—”

“Your family sucks,” said Nursey gently. “It’s not your fault and they don’t deserve someone as good as you. And regardless of whatever illogical awful wrong things they think about you, we love you for who you are. And I know it’s not the same as being loved by your birth family, and I know ideally you’d have both, but we’re your family too and I promise you we’ll never pull this shit.” 

“College friends drift—drift apart all the time, though,” Will objected, trying to pull himself under control. 

“We’re not just friends, though,” Nursey countered. “Like I said, we’re family. I meant that.” 

“You can’t just speak for—speak for C,” Will argued. 

“Oh, like Chowder wouldn’t die for you,” said Nursey. “You know he loves you, and not casually.” 

Will cried harder at that. 

“Dex. Will. Hey,” said Nursey. “Try to get some sleep, okay? My phone is charged, so you can call me again if you need to. I love you and I’ll see you soon.” 

“I love—I love you too,” said Will, and then he hung up. He pulled his sweats out of his suitcase, changed, got into bed and cried himself to sleep. 

Will woke up an indeterminate amount of time later. The blessing and curse of living in the basement was that the place had no natural light—blessing because it made naps so much easier; curse because it made getting up so much harder. Will checked his phone, suddenly hopeful that perhaps someone in his family might have called to say it was all a mistake, but instead what he found was a text from Nursey at 4:38 a.m. ( _I’m here and going to bed_ ), along with a string of heart emojis from Chowder. It was 6:09 now, and Will had definitely not gotten as much sleep as he would have liked, but he had a feeling trying to fall back asleep would be futile, and he didn’t want to stay in bed, alone with his thoughts, while trying. Nursey had only been at the Haus for an hour and a half, though, so Will didn’t want to wake him. Instead, Will pulled up an episode of _Dear Hank and John_ on his phone to distract himself, and then he dressed and made breakfast. 

He managed to eat, with the help of the podcast, but as he was doing his dishes the events of the previous night crashed back into him. He made it to the bathroom just in time to lose his breakfast in the toilet. As he cleaned himself up and brushed his teeth, he debated whether to wake Nursey up. On the one hand, he clearly wasn’t coping. On the other hand, Nursey had gotten to bed two hours ago, max. Didn’t he deserve to sleep? Who would want to deal with _Will_ , anyway? But Nursey had said Will could wake him up. Will nodded at his reflection in the mirror and made his way up the stairs to the bedroom he used to share with Nursey. 

Will opened the door slowly. Nursey was drooling on his pillow and wearing jeans and a nice sweater, not sweats and a T-shirt like Will knew he usually slept in. He must have crashed as soon as he got back to his room. Will made himself push through the guilt he felt about waking Nursey up and the certainty he felt about Nursey’s inevitable anger at him for doing so, forcing himself to walk to the bed and shake Nursey’s shoulder. 

“Hnn?” Nursey grunted. Then he blinked his eyes open and said, “Dex! How are you?”

“Um,” said Will, “I had breakfast, but then I threw up. I don’t think I’m sick, just upset. Like, emotionally, because of last night.” 

“Yeah, of course,” said Nursey. “That makes total sense, and also sucks. What do you want to do now? We could talk about it, or we could play video games or something to distract you, or you could go back to bed, either here or in the basement. Or we could do something else, if you have a different idea.” 

“Maybe video games?” said Will. “I think I’m going to want a nap at some point, but I don’t want to go to bed right now, and I definitely don’t want to talk about it.” 

“All right,” said Nursey. He looked down at himself and added, “Well, I guess I’m dressed. Should we just get to it, then?”

“I need to text the team, don’t I?” Will realized. 

“I can, if you’d rather not do it yourself,” said Nursey, “but I do think telling them would be a good idea.” 

“No,” said Will, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll do it.” He unlocked his phone and texted the team group chat: _Just an FYI, I got disowned last night for being gay. I’m back at the Haus, I’m physically safe, and Nursey is here with me. I don’t want to rehash this with every single one of you but I did want you all to know._

Nursey checked his phone, smiled blearily at Will, and said, “Proud of you,” before heading downstairs with Will at his heels. 

The two of them played Mario Kart for about an hour before Will felt his eyelids starting to droop and the yawns coming more and more frequently. Nursey had been yawning the whole time. After one of Will’s particularly large yawns, he paused the game. “I think I could sleep again,” Will said. 

“Okay,” said Nursey. “Hard same. Where do you want to sleep?”

“Can I sleep in your room?” Will asked. 

“The room should be both of ours,” Nursey replied. “You shouldn’t have to ask.” 

“I do, though,” said Will. “So can I?”

“Sure,” said Nursey. “Given that you took your mattress to the basement, I think we’re going to have to share my bed. Unless you want to drag your mattress up two flights of steps.” 

“You’re okay with sharing?” Will checked. 

“For sure,” said Nursey. “Bro, I’m not going to make you deal with your trauma alone.”

Sharing the lower bunk didn’t make for actual _good_ sleep, but Will dozed on and off for a couple of hours before getting up for real around ten. His stomach was growling, so he eased out of bed and headed down to the kitchen, checking his phone as he did so. The group chat seemed to have been busy while he napped, mostly with people expressing horror and sympathy and outrage on his behalf, and he had a missed call and a voicemail from Bitty. 

“Dex, sweetheart, I am _so sorry_ to hear about what happened,” the voicemail said. “I am baking your favorite pie as soon as I get to campus, and you just let me know what you need beyond that. I’m happy to talk to the coaches about getting you out of tomorrow’s game if you need some time. If your health insurance is in doubt, Jack, Ransom, or Louis could probably walk you through getting on the school’s health insurance plan, since international students generally use that for their health insurance too. I’m just so sorry that you’re going through this, honey. Please know that we all love you.” 

Will was crying by the end of the voicemail. He was receiving so much love he didn’t deserve. He’d been so awful to Nursey when they both first came to Samwell. He’d been awful to Bitty, too. And here both of them were, saying not only that they cared about Will but that they loved him. He didn’t know how to handle it. So instead he put another podcast on and made himself breakfast again and focused on keeping the food down this time. 

Ollie and Wicks showed up while Will was drying his dishes, and Ollie said, “Bro, that fucking sucks.” 

“Let us know if you need anything, okay?” Wicks added. 

“Got your back,” Ollie concluded, and then the two of them left the kitchen and headed up the stairs. 

The thing about it being semester break was that there wasn’t any homework, and without assignments Will wasn’t sure how to distract himself. He didn’t feel like he could get lost in the internet right now, and he had just fixed the dryer before leaving for winter break. He briefly considered baking, but he wasn’t Bitty; baking was fine, but it didn’t take him out of his head. All the good video games in the Haus were multiplayer for obvious reasons. Will considered waking Nursey up but decided that he should let Nursey sleep for now. Instead, he climbed the stairs to the attic and knocked on Ollie and Wicks’ door. 

“Come in,” said Ollie’s voice. 

“Do you want to play Mario Kart?” Will asked after opening the door. “I don’t want to be alone right now and Nursey drove all night to be here for me, so I think I should let him sleep.” 

“Sure, bro,” said Wicks. 

The three of them played Mario until they got hungry and resumed playing after eating sandwiches. Will started to make a mental note that the Haus needed groceries and then figured that he was probably not in any shape to be relying on himself to remember things right now, and also not in any shape to be paying for groceries if he didn’t have to, so instead he texted the Haus group chat, reminding everyone that someone needed to make a run to the Murder Stop & Shop soon. 

Bitty showed up around two p.m. and immediately came to stand behind the couch and put a hand on Will’s shoulder. Ollie paused the game and Bitty said, “Dex, hon, how are you?” Will’s eyes welled up at that, and his throat tightened. Rather than answering with words, he stood, walked around the couch, and hugged Bitty. Bitty gripped tightly in return, hugging back for as long as Will wanted. When Will finally let go, Bitty said, “That bad, huh? Do you want to keep playing Mario or do you want to join me in the kitchen, or something else?”

Will glanced at Ollie and Wicks. “I know it’s the middle of the game. Do you mind if I dip?”

Ollie and Wicks shook their heads, and Wicks said, “Go for it, bro.” 

Will gave Bitty a watery smile. “Let’s bake.” 

Bitty smiled back. Once the two of them were in the kitchen, he said, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Will almost said no, like he had said no to Nursey this morning, but Bitty was probably the person in the Haus, other than Will himself, who had the most experience with homophobia. Will knew Bitty had worried about getting disowned, and even though his parents had turned out to mostly be okay with him being gay, he’d still been down the path Will was now on to a greater extent than Nursey or Ollie or Wicks had. So he said, “Uh, maybe? I get to decide when we stop, though. And I don’t have to answer your questions if I don’t want to.” 

“Obviously,” said Bitty. He opened the fridge and squinted into it. “We don’t have any fruit or butter at all, do we?”

“Nope,” said Will. 

“Okay, pause, then. Can you drive me to the Murder Stop & Shop? I’ll buy the groceries, but I don’t have a car.” 

“Sure,” said Will. 

Bitty kept up a steady stream of chatter at the grocery store, about how his winter break had gone, how he’d confessed to his mother that he’d been using his aunt’s jam recipe, how his father had gotten along with Jack—“Is this all right to talk about, hon?” he asked, and Will assured him it was—and about how he and Jack had talked a bit about getting engaged but nothing was definite yet, and then they were buying a whole cartload of food and Bitty was waving off Will’s half-hearted offer to help pay. Bitty kept talking as Will drove them back to the Haus and as they put away their groceries and got out the ingredients for pecan pie, which was Will’s favorite even though Bitty always chirped him for his pronunciation of “pecan.” 

Once the ingredients were all laid out and both Bitty and Will had washed their hands, Bitty started measuring ingredients and said, “So. What do you want to tell me about yesterday?”

Will summarized the events of last night and this morning, surprised at how steady his own voice was. 

“That sounds awful,” said Bitty when Will finished. “I’m so sorry your parents did that to you.” 

“Thanks,” said Will. 

“Dex, I am just being decent. You don’t have to thank me for that,” Bitty said. 

“I do, though,” said Will. “I was horrible to you when I first came to Samwell, and you’ve always been so good to me. You don’t have to—” 

“Dex,” said Bitty firmly, putting a hand on his arm. “I’m not going to say the way you treated me your first month on the team was okay, but it was definitely _understandable._ You learned how to survive in a toxic environment where staying safe meant hiding so much of who you were. I’m sure it was a shock to see me being out and embraced by the team. You had some growing up to do, yes, but everyone does at 18. We’re good, and we’re _family_ , and you’re going through something terrible and you deserve support as you go through it.” 

That was when Will started crying. Bitty hugged him and Will clung to Bitty in return, gasping for air as he sobbed. 

When Will had finally gotten himself under control and he and Bitty returned to making dough for the pie, Bitty said, “I really can get you out of tomorrow’s game if you need me to, or if that would just make things easier for you. I don’t know if Hall and Murray have ever had this happen to a player before, but I’m sure they’d be good about it.” 

“I think I want to play,” Will said shakily. “It probably won’t be my best hockey, but I think sitting here in an empty Haus would be a lot worse, and if I’m going to dress and sit on the bench I may as well play, if you don’t mind that my head probably won’t be entirely in the game.” 

“That’s fine, Dex,” Bitty said. “There are more important things than whether we win this game, and even if you’re only giving 50% of your usual effort tomorrow you’ll still be an asset to the team. You’re a damn fine defenseman and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” 

“Thanks, Bitty,” said Will. 

“You’re welcome,” said Bitty. “Now, do you want to talk logistics? Because I haven’t been disowned, but I’ve spent a lot of time thinking that might happen to me, so I might have put some thought into how to solve some of the problems you’re currently facing.” 

“Sure,” said Will. “That would be helpful.” 

“I think I mentioned in my phone message that Jack or Ransom or Louis could probably help you get on the school’s health insurance plan, if you want help with that,” Bitty started. “I don’t know how your tuition bills are set up and whether you have student loans, but you might need to go to the financial aid office or the registrar to change information on those, if that’s applicable to you. There’s also the matter of housing during the summer and on breaks—luckily, the Haus is off-campus, so you can stay here if you need to. If you were in a dorm, you’d get kicked out over the summer, but I know for a fact Ransom and Holster lived here some summers, so obviously you can too.” 

“I guess I’ll ask Louis about the health insurance,” Will said. “He’s gone through it most recently, and I have the most regular contact with him. I, um, I don’t have student loans because I’m on a full athletic scholarship, and I was paying for books and everything myself, but I had been wondering about summer housing, so thanks for clarifying that I can stay here. I’m going to need to change my mailing address for my bank account and everything, though. Actually, maybe I should switch banks. My account is with a local bank in my hometown and it’s been kind of a pain dealing with them while living here, and now that I won’t be going back to Maine anytime soon . . .”

“One thing at a time, sugar,” said Bitty. “I’m sure that can wait a couple days, if not a few weeks.” He was quiet for a few seconds and then said, “Can I tell Jack about this? I don’t want to tell him without your permission, but I do want to tell him, if you’re okay with that.” 

“Yeah, sure,” said Will. “I don’t want to broadcast it, exactly, but I don’t want to make you keep secrets from your boyfriend.” 

“Thanks,” said Bitty. 

They talked about lighter things as they finished baking the pie. A few minutes after they had gotten it in the oven, as Bitty was wiping down the countertops while Will started in on the dishes, Nursey stumbled into the kitchen, looking rumpled and rubbing his eyes. “Morning,” Nursey yawned. 

“It’s four p.m.,” Will deadpanned. 

“Yeah, well, my sleep pattern is a bit messed up right now,” Nursey groused. 

“Sorry,” Will whispered. 

Nursey looked immediately more alert. “No, hey,” he said gently. “It’s fine. I might not sleep that well tonight and it might show in tomorrow’s game, but I’m going to be fine. I’m not mad. It was worth it, okay? _You’re_ worth it.” 

“Thanks,” said Will, hugging Nursey on impulse and sagging into Nursey with relief when Nursey hugged back. 

By the time Chowder finally arrived, the pie had been baked and consumed, Bitty and Will had made dinner, everyone had eaten, they’d played video games for a bit longer, and they were in the process of watching the NHL game ESPN was broadcasting. As soon as Chowder got to the Haus, he beelined for the living room, boots still on and trailing snow everywhere. “Dex,” he said, holding out his arms. 

Will stood and accepted the hug. Chowder gave probably the second-best hugs on the team, after Bitty, who was basically love incarnate. Will didn’t cling to Chowder quite as tightly as he’d clung to Bitty earlier when he’d cried, but he held on pretty tightly nonetheless and Chowder squeezed him back. To everyone else’s credit, no one mentioned Chowder tracking snow in until Will released him, at which point Bitty pointed it out. 

Chowder walked back to the hall, left his boots there, and got a towel to clean up his mess. Once he’d finished, he returned to the living room and sandwiched himself between Nursey and Will on the green couch. There wasn’t really an adult-sized amount of space between them, and hockey butts should have complicated the situation, but somehow Chowder managed to wedge himself between them. He slung an easy arm around Will’s shoulders and left it there for the duration of the game, thumb rubbing Will’s shoulder intermittently. 

When the game on TV ended, Ollie and Wicks headed up to the attic. Bitty stood, too, and looked at the Frogs on the couch consideringly. “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Bitty said at last, “but I trust y’all to be good to each other. Don’t prove me wrong.” 

“We won’t,” the Frogs said. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Chowder asked as Bitty disappeared up the stairs. 

“Not really,” said Will. “I talked about it this afternoon with Bitty, though, and that was good. No offense to either of you. I just think Bitty has more experience when it comes to homophobic family members than either of you. So I’m not, like, ignoring it or pretending it didn’t happen. I promise.” 

“I believe you,” said Chowder. 

“So do I, and you don’t owe us an explanation,” said Nursey. 

“Thanks,” said Will. 

“Do you want to go to bed, or do you have other ideas?” Chowder asked. 

“I think I want to go to bed,” said Dex. “Thanks for asking, though.” 

“Of course,” said Chowder. 

Will managed to fall asleep that night and was a bit surprised, when his alarm went off, that he’d actually slept so well. Over the course of the morning, he kept forgetting what had happened and then remembering and reliving it all over again. It was awful, but his Hausmates—his real family—were around the whole time, ready to squeeze his shoulder or shoot him a sympathetic look every time he frowned. Nursey sat next to him on the bus, with Chowder and Bitty right behind them, and Nursey, Bitty, and Chowder kept up a lively conversation that Will could engage in or ignore as he needed. 

It wasn’t Will’s best game. Samwell won by one, thanks mostly to goals from Bitty and Whiskey, along with a truly astonishing number of saves from Chowder, who was picking up a lot of Will’s slack. But Hall and Murray didn’t seem disappointed in him, and he was included in every celly. As he traipsed back onto the bus with the team to go back to Samwell, Will looked around. This was his family, and they accepted and loved him, and they were going home together. It wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough.


End file.
